What it takes to give a sibling to your kid?

I am aware that as soon as I became a first-time mother, many eyes turned towards me praying and hoping for a much-needed sibling. This started when I was holding a week old baby in my lap.

Nonetheless, I get why people – relatives as well as strangers wait for a sibling and there is a reason why the sibling quota is still not filled. I have encountered many times this embarrassing yet unavoidable situation where I am being lectured for a much-needed brother for my daughter.

There are two sides of a coin but I like to just balance it somehow without being partial to myself or my child. Lately, I got very good examples of this situation which made me write about this unnerving topic.
Scenario 1.

The old lady in her 80’s who couldn’t even walk or talk handed me the packet of rusk ( a type of dry sweet bread) that I needed for the prasad for the temple. She saw my 4-year-old daughter sitting comfortably in my lap, which is so normal for my kid (the perks of being a daughter of an attachment parenting supporter mother). All of a sudden she asked if my daughter was a boy?

My daughter had her long hair tied in a neat braid and she also flaunted her red dress, she had never imagined she would look like a boy to anyone. After all, she had paid extra attention to her look for this outing to her favorite temple.

The old lady was waiting for a response and I was ready to respond too. I told her that my daughter is my son. Without getting annoyed at her statement, I smiled and the old lady came to her point.

She came to give me the change and I wanted to leave her some tips, but she came close to me and held my hand and like a guardian angel she poured her heart out. She suggested that a minimum of two kids is a must. She also backed up her statement by saying that the daughter would need someone to tie rakhi and that in future all the relatives will part ways for sure and then once the parents die, the daughter will have no support. A brother would be required at this point and thus, we must plan another child soon.

The old lady’s hands were still trembling and I was thinking to move on towards the temple but she persisted that she has said those words (to a stranger, without knowing any background) while we were the en-route temple, thus the words should be taken seriously like God’s own. She had teary eyes like she wanted to tell her own story.

I smiled, took the change from her and visited the temple. I loved looking at my daughter without any regret of not giving her a sibling – a brother in particular. I might have said something very bizarre but true to the old lady that – my daughter is my son.

Yes, we are raising our only child both as a daughter and as a son. We buy her dolls as well as bikes, we like to see her dance as well as do karate and swim. Raising a girl child without any bias or discrimination is simple. We have gotten used to it now.
Scenario 2.

The taxi driver was driving us to the airport for the tenth time and we knew that he lived in a nearby village and that he had two sons.

A while after we taxied, he spoke to my husband while I was cat-napping in the back seat. He was telling about the life lessons he has learned.

His income was only Rs. 5000 a month and with this kind of driving job, he bought his wife a second hand used scootey so that she could run errands on her own.

That’s so cool I thought.

The driver opened up more. His voice intonation had changed to more like that of a person who had been under a lot of pressure. He was financially crushed and almost broke when two of his boys got into a private school. This left him with no saving and recently due to his low income, his son’s school fee was overdue.

Don’t go for a second child. One is enough ” he said.

In today’s world, where expenses are skyrocketing and there is so much insecurity in the jobs, raising two kids is a task in itself.

He might have been in a better situation if he had just one kid.

He might have undoubled the expenses that are troubling him day and night. He has been doing overtime to earn more to achieve the normal income level for a family of four. His stress levels might have been less when he had to pay a fee for just one kid.

He wasn’t happy that he had two sons. Instead, he was self traumatic and undoubtedly showing us the real-life scenario of having kids more than you can raise financially as well as emotionally.

Verdict:

The conclusion is that the time has changed, the expenses have increased. The old times look good when our grandparents had 6 kids too. This is today we are talking about. Cost of raising a kid in this fast-paced expensive world is higher than before. Each one has a different perspective on having kids. Some choose to stay without kids too. Let us respect everyone’s decision before “asking” them to go for another kid.

What is your take on this matter?

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Comments

  • Shilpa Garg

    2019-09-13 at 6:26 am
    Reply

    Having one kid or two kids... there is no right answer. Both the scenarios have a long list of pros and cons. It's a personal […] Read MoreHaving one kid or two kids... there is no right answer. Both the scenarios have a long list of pros and cons. It's a personal choice and the decision is dependent on a lot of factors and. We have one son and I believe, it has been a good decision for us! Read Less

  • Snehal

    2019-09-13 at 3:10 pm
    Reply

    I like how you have honestly shared your views on this touchy topic. By the way the photos are too adorable! ☺

  • forbabynmommy

    2019-09-13 at 4:44 pm
    Reply

    That so true planning child is a big responsibility nowadays and we have to think about everything before planning. I am still not able to […] Read MoreThat so true planning child is a big responsibility nowadays and we have to think about everything before planning. I am still not able to think about my second with so much expenses. Read Less

  • Varsh

    2019-09-14 at 3:56 am
    Reply

    This is a delicate topic and the opinions will differ with individuals. I have two kids and always wanted two. I've grown up with a […] Read MoreThis is a delicate topic and the opinions will differ with individuals. I have two kids and always wanted two. I've grown up with a brother and couldn't imagine my elder son being on his own. Financial matters are important and I'm glad they haven't hampered our family life in ant way. Read Less

  • Roma

    2019-09-14 at 7:48 am
    Reply

    I totally agree buddy, the decision is absolutely an individual choice which no one else can take on their behalf

  • Charu

    2019-09-14 at 9:44 am
    Reply

    It is completely ones choice, depending upon one's situation and circumstances. No one should be adviced as it's totally a personal decision.

  • judy morris

    2019-09-14 at 11:15 am
    Reply

    Well in my point of view this utterly depends on how ready a couple is mentally physically and more. Becoming a 2nd time parent is […] Read MoreWell in my point of view this utterly depends on how ready a couple is mentally physically and more. Becoming a 2nd time parent is a big responsibility too. Read Less

  • Amrita Basu (Misra)

    2019-09-14 at 11:43 am
    Reply

    Seriously true.Have children you can raise with love ,peace and happiness without needing sicial help and financial crutches.Much needed in todays times

  • Ruchie

    2019-09-14 at 11:48 am
    Reply

    I feel it's personal choice of a couple to give their child a sibling or not many factors comes into picture when we think about […] Read MoreI feel it's personal choice of a couple to give their child a sibling or not many factors comes into picture when we think about second baby...Our choice was always having 1 child but later changed due to many other factors where society pressure plays 0% role!! Read Less

  • Aishwarya Sandeep

    2019-09-14 at 12:23 pm
    Reply

    I feel people irrespective pass comments on the number of kids. If you have two kids of the same gender, they will have comments, if […] Read MoreI feel people irrespective pass comments on the number of kids. If you have two kids of the same gender, they will have comments, if one kid then also. It should be the decision of the parents. Factors such as health and wealth of the parents do play an important role in the bringing up of children. Read Less

  • Gunjan Upadhyay

    2019-09-14 at 2:53 pm
    Reply

    i too believe the same. with expenses sky rocketing, it is so difficult to meet expenses for each and everything and lets not start on […] Read Morei too believe the same. with expenses sky rocketing, it is so difficult to meet expenses for each and everything and lets not start on the school fees Read Less

  • Gurjeet Chhabra

    2019-09-14 at 3:30 pm
    Reply

    Having one child is enough I agree today seriously expenses are too high for giving better future. we should plan accordingly. I have two kids […] Read MoreHaving one child is enough I agree today seriously expenses are too high for giving better future. we should plan accordingly. I have two kids I am blessed as you are Read Less

  • Gurjeet Chhabra

    2019-09-14 at 5:48 pm
    Reply

    Having one kid is enough, today expenses are more. If we can't fulfill their requirements then what the use of having more kids.

  • Deepika

    2019-09-14 at 7:02 pm
    Reply

    Yeah! Everyone has its choices and we should respect their choices. I personally believe in two kids phenomenon. I know it is not easy to […] Read MoreYeah! Everyone has its choices and we should respect their choices. I personally believe in two kids phenomenon. I know it is not easy to look after 2 kids but when I see, they are learning some essential life skills by experiencing their own. I feel proud of my decision. Read Less

  • jhilmildsaha

    2019-09-15 at 2:33 am
    Reply

    As you summed it up, it is entirely a parent's decision if to welcome a second child. Societal pressure does not matter. At the end […] Read MoreAs you summed it up, it is entirely a parent's decision if to welcome a second child. Societal pressure does not matter. At the end of the day its us who are going to raise them. Read Less

  • Tina Basu

    2019-09-15 at 4:24 am
    Reply

    I am an only child and have always longed for a sibling. Now I am in a dilemma if i should have another one or […] Read MoreI am an only child and have always longed for a sibling. Now I am in a dilemma if i should have another one or not, it will mean another set back on a lot of things for 2 years Read Less

  • kinshooagrawal (@kinshooagrawal)

    2019-09-15 at 5:20 am
    Reply

    Having kids and how many is solely the couple's decision. People like giving advises and they give. Still each to his own.

  • Amrit kaur

    2019-09-15 at 6:01 am
    Reply

    It is good to take a decision for second child at right time. At least kids stay together for future.

  • Smita Pal

    2019-09-15 at 6:41 am
    Reply

    Having kids and also having one or two kids all of these are highly personal choices and I believe there is no one right answer. […] Read MoreHaving kids and also having one or two kids all of these are highly personal choices and I believe there is no one right answer. It totally depends on a couples and families own personal choice and personal factors. Read Less

  • My Words My Wisdom

    2019-09-16 at 11:43 am
    Reply

    In joint families it was easier to take care of kids, however in nuclear set up without much support its entirely the parents call.

  • simritbedi

    2019-09-23 at 10:54 am
    Reply

    Having one or two kids is a persona choice. I have a younger brother and have a son. I want to have a second baby […] Read MoreHaving one or two kids is a persona choice. I have a younger brother and have a son. I want to have a second baby but not sure if I am prepared now ! Read Less

  • Sonia Chatterjee

    2019-09-23 at 2:52 pm
    Reply

    I am a single child and I chose to have a single child. I guess I would always prefer to have and give undivided attention […] Read MoreI am a single child and I chose to have a single child. I guess I would always prefer to have and give undivided attention to the apple of my eyes. Read Less

  • Arushi Seth

    2019-09-23 at 4:39 pm
    Reply

    I agree in present times, having one kid is easier and ensures we can give them the best. I have one daughter and we do […] Read MoreI agree in present times, having one kid is easier and ensures we can give them the best. I have one daughter and we do not want to have another one, so i completely agree with you. However, having one or two kids is a personal choice and many see it as companionship and not looking at the expenses and other factors. Though I am with you but each to their own. 🙂 Read Less

  • Noor Anand Chawla

    2019-09-24 at 3:08 am
    Reply

    You have put it best here. Having a child/two/multiple/no children is a personal choice and no one should interfere in the matter.

  • Arti

    2019-09-24 at 12:56 pm
    Reply

    I agree with your thoughts, we must respect each other's thought... I have been through all this but today with two kids..it's not that I […] Read MoreI agree with your thoughts, we must respect each other's thought... I have been through all this but today with two kids..it's not that I don't get stressed but at the end..I feel happy about my decision Read Less

  • Priyal

    2019-09-25 at 5:03 am
    Reply

    I too believe the decision should be an individual choice and no one can force. I took the decision of becoming 2nd time for the […] Read MoreI too believe the decision should be an individual choice and no one can force. I took the decision of becoming 2nd time for the parents by my choice only Read Less

  • momtasticworld

    2019-09-26 at 3:13 pm
    Reply

    A son or a daughter doesn’t really matter, I have heard many preach about it and the same set of people come to me on […] Read MoreA son or a daughter doesn’t really matter, I have heard many preach about it and the same set of people come to me on the 18th day of my delivery saying “Ab iska bhai plan kar lo”. I have more or less given up on responding to people because I know in my heart I wouldn’t have planned for another baby even if I had a boy 🙂 Read Less

  • vidhya29

    2019-09-27 at 12:57 pm
    Reply

    a wonderful post! Loved how you expressed!

  • Prerna Wahi

    2019-09-27 at 6:53 pm
    Reply

    I enjoyed reading your perspective on this and absolutely endorse your thought – It’s for the parents to decide and there’s no right or wrong […] Read MoreI enjoyed reading your perspective on this and absolutely endorse your thought – It’s for the parents to decide and there’s no right or wrong in this! Read Less

  • bloggingmadeeasierneha

    2019-09-28 at 3:28 pm
    Reply

    Its a personal decision. And loved the way you have written this :-)

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About Deepa

Mother to a four year old girl. I am a creative being since my childhood. I create and my little one destroys. The love story continues.

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